[4/1 Update: Please see editor’s note at bottom of the article.]

(Merrimack, NH) – In tough times, AB-InBev is thinking outside of the box.

2009 will go down as the worst year in beer in several decades. Sales volume decreased for the industry as a whole by 2.2%.

MillerCoors isn’t taking any chances. The company has rolled out a new basket of tricks for 2010. According to BrandWeek, the company will debut a Coors Light Cold Activated Window 12-pack and a new vortex design on the bottle neck. As a drinker pours beer out of the new bottle, he or she should notice a different swirl effect than before.

“Triple hops brewed, ‘a true Pilsner’ . . . you name it, they’ve done it.”

Enter Ralph Edison, a Production Manager at AB-InBev’s facility in Merrimack, NH.

“We’re in a new decade. As brewers, we can’t get away with the same tactics we may have tried 5, 10 or 20 years ago. People are a lot smarter these days; they’re ‘tweeting’ now, you know?”

Edison says that instead of following MillersCoors’ lead with what he refers to as “gimmicks,” Anheuser-Busch is going with a tried and true approach: going aggressively after shelf space.

“Shelf space is at a premium and we were having difficulty in meeting the goals we set on our planograms so one of our engineers came up with a really unique idea. Let’s come out with new products that resemble our mainstays in look and feel. They should have a taste profile that is similar enough that our core market of beer olympians and armchair quarterbacks won’t notice any change. But still different enough that the products are marketable to our retail customers as new products.”

Anheuser-Busch thinks it has hit a home run with the new Bod Liqbt and Bemdesor. Edison was careful to note that these will not replace Bud Light and Budweiser but will instead be additions to the core brands.

“I’ve heard that we’re in negotiations to borrow the St. Pauli Girl from InBev to help launch the new products. We also like the Dos Equis guy but he’s unwilling to breach his contract at this time.”

Look for Bod Liqbt and Bemdesor to hit shelves nationwide later this year.

[Editor’s Note: This has been up for almost a few hours now so I might as well come clean. These labels are real and have actually received federal approval. The story behind them is made up though obviously. I wanted to poke fun at some of the lawsuits out there and say that AB-InBev was sued for infringement and had to change the names but I decided that wouldn’t be a wise move. What is the real story with these labels? I have reached out to AB and have not heard back but it may have something to do with featuring the beer in non-AB media spots and in tv or movies. I have seen Bod Liqbt mentioned a couple times as being props on movie sets but that is the extent of what I know. Note the “Near Beer” designation on both labels indicating that it is either fake beer of some sort (or perhaps non-alcoholic beer). But yes, these beer labels are real. No Photoshopping. If anyone has more information on these labels, please come forward!]